The Internet woods are thick with beautiful young wannabe international brides. They usually come from non-Western countries such as China, the Philippines, Russia, or the Ukraine. So what’s going on? Are these women after love of money? Will she keep you smiling for the rest of your life leave you weeping in the arrival lounge after she bolts to freedom by climbing out the window of the Ladies Room (with your credit cards)?

The answer depends on who you ask. Most men who taken overseas brides haven’t experienced such a horror story, but some of them have. Still others wish she had slipped out the Ladies Room, or at least that they could stamp her “Return to Sender” and haul her to the FedEx office. So do keep this in mind – how many Canadian women, for example, are on the Internet trying to Chinese or Russian men to marry? If you want an overseas bride, you’re just going to have to understand that at least a good portion of her motivation is going to be a new life in a prosperous Western country.

But it’s not all about money. There aren’t all that many women on the Internet looking to marry Japanese men despite their relative wealth, because Japanese men (fairly or not) have a reputation of being domineering and accordingly are not popular marriage partners outside of Japan. It follows, then, that most of these women are not just after your wallet.

In many of the world’s cultures, economics is considered the only legitimate reason for any “nice girl” to marry – “love” is considered to be just childish wishful thinking. Filipina women, to give one example, tend to be completely straightforward about their economic motivation. Nevertheless, most of these women genuinely do want to be “good wives” – meaning supportive and faithful. And most of them would be thrilled to actually fall in love with their husbands – it’s just that they don’t necessarily require this as a condition for marriage

My Foreign Bride

In the first place, men and women were created differently from each other and even if you marry a woman from your own country, it still takes effort to make a relationship work. When a foreigner dates a Filipina lady whose background is totally different, it means both must double their effort for things to click. Unless you were dragged to the marriage chamber with a handkerchief over your eyes, you are aware of this and saying “I do” means you have to accept her for what she is, what she stands for. Here are some issues where you differ:

Attachment to her family. For a Filipina lady, family always comes first so the need to be in constant communication with her family is always there. She will always think what is better for her family.

Money. In a Filipino family, the woman usually holds the purse strings and does the budget. One habit you may not understand is a Filipina lady may splurge and spend hard-earned money on fiestas, celebrations.

Food.The Filipina lady may adjust to your taste but she will still crave for her usual rice and viand servings. She also eats foods you may consider bizarre like balut, a boiled day-old chick egg dipped in vinegar and salt, bagoong (anchovy), and tuyo (dried fish). The smell of these foods may be disgusting to you but please do not call the police to arrest her if she eats these (although there is a danger that your neighbors will!).

Growing up with the idea that food is not that easy to find, your girlfriend always thinks of ways to save, so do not be surprised to see leftover food from breakfast reappear at the table for lunch. When you dine out in a restaurant, your girlfriend would probably ask the waiter to wrap what is left to take home. Deep in her heart, she may be feeling guilty and wondering what her family is having for dinner while she is at the plush restaurant with you.

Privacy. When a Filipina lady already considers you as family, she may take things for granted and be offended when you react if she inspects your wallet, emails, and even cellphone messages. To her, it is not an intrusion of privacy but a symbol that you trust her and that since you would be married anyway, there should be no secrets between you.

Time. When your girlfriend says “I will be there around 6 o’clock”, do not expect here to be there on the dot. Expect her up to even an hour later as she does not want to appear “too eager”. Filipino time is never on time.

Communication problems. Your girlfriend may not be able to tell you exactly what she wants. She is not trained to holler and shout when she needs to and you may not understand what she means when she says something. She may even expect you to read her raised eyebrows and puckered lip.

Permanence in relationship. Your view on marriage and relationships may differ. For a Filipina lady, marriage is a permanent thing and she will not think of divorce when things go wrong. Remember “it is because you are so different from each other that you have so much to share”.

Many foreigners have come to Ukraine for business but have fallen in love with someone and have stayed for longer. What are good topics for conversation for your first date and what will guarantee you second?

Young Ukraine ladies are open minded, well educated and their charm is hard to resist. They have interests in many areas: from social position, political opinion, knowledge in economy and of course, they are ladies and are interested in fashion and celebrities.

They are curious towards foreigners because they know that these people have lived abroad and have new and different points of view which might broaden their own universe and give them new ideas and knowledge.

It is not hard to start informal conversation with a girl from Ukraine; the challenge comes when you want to ask her for a date. These young ladies are careful regarding the relationships they have. There are many reasons for this and the most important one is public opinion. They have been taught that a woman has a high value but not speaking in monetary aspect, but regarding efforts for her attention. In their country, women who start a relationship from the very first “Hello” do not have a good public image. This is especially true for the small regions where everyone knows everybody and everything new is accepted with a suspicion.

Good topics for conversation during the first date are your interests. The more you ask and share, the better you will know each other. Ukraine girls are not shy but on the first date everyone feels a little nervous and uneasy. Your best strategy will be to share something about your parents and childhood. Family plays an important role in local people’s life and if you tell something about yours this will bring your cultures a little closer.

Most young women in Ukraine speak at least one foreign language fluently. Most of them have studied English in school or have taken extra courses. Even if they speak with an accent, what they actually need is more practice. They will enjoy chatting to everyone with whom they can put into practice their foreign language knowledge.

One of the topics which to certain extent is not good to discuss during your first date, is the political situation in Ukraine as well as the old communist regime. The country was part of the Soviet Union but since December 1991 it is a fully independent country. Most people enjoy being citizens of Ukraine and not to be put under the flag of Russia.

Another picky topic is the Chernobyl nuclear accident. It left devastation and ruined the life of many. It is said that radiation is still having an effect on these lands and Ukrainians rarely want to discuss this.

If you make your date laugh and feel confident with you, be sure that you will have chance to invite her for a second date and eventually your relationship will grow more serious.

Telling funny stories from your life is always a good strategy. Also share memories from childhood, because it is often considered that this is one of the most intimate periods in man’s life. This will reveal your past and your date from Ukraine will not remain there thinking that you only want to get advantage of her.

Mining Blog

Meeting members of the opposite sex in Japan is usually not a complicated process, as more often than not the nature of the job, whether it be a businessman or English instructor, will bring you into contact with Japanese in the workplace who would like to get to know you better outside of the office or school. English instructors in particular have an advantage in regard to being able meet Japanese, as many students will let you know indirectly if they are interested in establishing a relationship beyond the classroom, and depending on the school’s policy toward dating students it’s quite easy to meet at a later date for dinner or a drink. For those who don’t want to mix business with romance, one of the best alternatives to meeting Japanese are the many salsa schools that have recently become popular in Japan. Women in these classes usually out number the men, and the lively atmosphere makes it relatively easy to meet someone looking for a dance partner. Yoga classes are also gaining popularity in Japan for both men and women, and are another possibility for meeting people who share the same interests.

For those looking for a more mainstream approach, the large number of gaijin bars that are frequented by both Japanese women and men hoping to meet foreigners are one of the most popular choices, but keep in mind there are usually more foreigners than Japanese present, and the competition can often be fierce. Another method of bringing Japanese and foreigners together are “International Parties” that are often advertised in magazines and newspapers. For a set fee of approximately 5,000 yen you’re able to attend a prearranged party in a restaurant or lounge where you have an opportunity to mingle with others interested in cultural exchange. In a similar venue are international hiking clubs that are now a popular form of meeting people, as most day hikes in the countryside are arranged with an equal number of men and women in mind. Sport clubs still appeal to many people who hope to meet others between workout sets, and the recent influx of Starbucks coffee shops in Japan are usually packed with Japanese women and men who are alone and receptive to conversation.

It’s difficult to discuss cross cultural differences without making generalizations that may or may not be accurate as each case is different, but for the most part Japanese are usually approachable in a social setting even if they appear to be a bit shy or reticent at first meeting. Foreigners who speak Japanese well are obviously going to have an advantage over those whose language skills are limited, and many relationships in Japan fall to the wayside eventually because of this lack of communication. Though mutual attraction is sometimes enough to keep a couple together, those looking long term usually have a better chance of success if one or both partners can speak the other’s native language well. As is the case in most Asian countries, age difference between men and women in Japan is not looked upon as an issue, and you often see couples together whose presence would no doubt turn heads in other parts of the world.

The Japanese view of sex is also quite different from that of the west, and they usually approach it with a more relaxed attitude, as can be witnessed by the large number of “Love Hotels” found in all major cities of Japan which provide a temporary haven for couples in need of privacy. This cavalier attitude can also sometimes be confusing for foreigners, who after becoming infatuated after the first or second date will suddenly find their email and phone messages going unanswered. Though definitely not pleasant for the ego, once it’s understood the Japanese are uncomfortable with direct confrontation and this is their way of letting you and themselves off the hook, it’s usually a bit easier to comprehend and accept. This approach often pertains to long term relationships as well, and there have been many foreigners who after years of being in a relationship suddenly found themselves in the cold for no apparent reason and with no explanation forthcoming. Society’s view of international relationships in Japan seems to be that of resigned acceptance, but don’t be surprised if there is resistance on the part of many Japanese parents in regard to their son or daughter marrying a foreigner. Although this attitude has gradually begun to change over the years, most traditional Japanese still want their children to marry Japanese.

Why are so many American men seeking brides from abroad when there are so many single women at home? There are several reasons:

(1) Nobody at home wants to marry them (in some cases)

Unfortunately, the popular image of the alcoholic, abusive loser who takes a foreign bride because no local woman will marry him is sometimes accurate. It would certainly be painting with too broad a brush to say that all American men who seek international brides are like this, the abusive personality does seem to be well represented among men seeking bride from overseas. It makes a lot of sense when you think about it – the foreign bride often knows very little about her husband when she comes over. By the time she discovers who he really is, she is far from home, economically dependent, unable to afford to go back home, and sometimes pregnant. Abusers sometimes take full advantage of this situation by forcing their brides to submit to treatment that few American women would put up with.

(2) Citizenship in a prosperous Western nation greatly increases their position in the marriage market. The hope of a new life in rich America (or some other Western country) is certainly the top reason why women from third world countries wish to marry Western men (if you don’t think so, ask yourself how many of these women pursue men from Peru or Indonesia). Since the number of women is far greater than the number of Western men looking for them, supply and demand favors the Western man. It thus becomes no problem at all for a man in his 50s to marry a 20-year-old Chinese model, for example.

(3) A lot of American men don’t like American women. One could say that opposite attract, but complaints abound among a certain segment of American men that feminism has gone too far, that it no longer has anything to do with equal rights or fairness, and that it has morphed US women into a third gender – neither masculine nor feminine, confused about their gender identity, and forever competing rather than cooperating to prove that “women can do anything men can do”. This silent war between the sexes creates a competitive atmosphere, some say, that destroys any chance for true intimacy between spouses. Because of this, American men turn to foreign countries to find a bride (and American women increasingly look overseas for husbands!).

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